Jesus take the wheel
Take it from my hands
‘Cause I can’t do this on my own
I’m letting go
So give me one more chance
To save me from this road I’m on
Jesus take the wheel
Oh, take it, take it from me!
I’ve heard this song 100 times before but today while driving the kids to school it came on the radio and struck a chord with me. As we sang along, the tears began rolling down my face, behind my sunglasses. I’ve been struggling with my load lately….my workload mainly, but also my responsibilities as a mother, wife, sister, daughter and friend. My stress level at work is at an all time high. Every day another deadline to meet, another challenge, another road block .... I’m use to this cycle, I’ve done this kind of work for a while now. I’ve dedicated nearly 20 years of my life to the company I work for but as the company continues to grow and grow I feel like nothing more than a number to them and I'm tired. Don’t get me wrong, I’ve had a great career…my management and leadership teams think highly of me, I’ve always been very productive, received good marks and pay for the work I’ve done but now there is so much “red tape” and people hiding behind processes that it’s nearly impossible to get any work done. It then bleeds over to my personal life, despite my best efforts. I find myself taking things out on the kids or my husband that I shouldn’t. Friday, I beat myself up for not being at the elementary school for the Fall Festival. The girls really wanted me to come but I had to work. I had to try to get some stuff done, to mark them off my list. I chose work. I told Jason I feel like I’m failing at everything….work, our home (if you look around there is probably not one clean room in my house), I don’t cook lavish meals for my family every night, I actually seldom cook. I don’t make great efforts to spend quality time with my husband; I’m too tired and broken. I haven’t made much effort to see my brothers and their wives and children, to visit my family in Georgia or to foster friendships. I am such a failure. Are there other working moms out there that can relate? Why do I do this, why do I beat myself up for not being perfect? For not having the perfect job, the perfect marriage, the perfect family, the perfect life. This song reminded me that Christ loves me, he forgives me and he doesn’t expect perfect from me. I’m not capable of that but he loves me anyway. I apologize for the doom and gloom blog, it’s just where I’m at right now. I’m praying that Jesus will take the wheel, that He will take it from my hands and save me from myself.
PS. There is way too much chocolate candy in the house for the amount of stress I’m under. This could be hazardous to my health!
Preaching the gospel to myself as I listen to Carrie Underwood,
Anne Marie
Subscribe to:
Post Comments (Atom)
7 comments:
Oh Anne Marie! I hate that you are feeling this way. I wish you could see yourself through other's eyes. Then you would see an incredibly strong, beautiful, successful, loving, confident wife and mother!
We all go through times where we want to be more than we are. We feel the need to "try harder and do better". I'm glad that underneath it all you realize that you can't do it all on your own. And you are still, no matter what, a daughter of the MOST HIGH. How awesome is that?
Your family loves and respects you.
Anne Marie, I can so identify with what you're going through. Ten years ago, my life situation was absolutely exactly as you've described yours; I could have been the one writing those words. And my emotional conflicts were exactly the same as yours, too. I'm feeling your struggle and your pain.
I'd like to say it all changed when I quit work. But it didn't. I developed new tasks for myself, new expectations of my parenting, new ideals for my relationships, etc.
This is the place where I live -- with high expectations of myself, a desire to be be all things to all people, a tendency to measure my worth by my success or failure. It's the thing, more than any other just about, that sends me back to the gospel over and over again. And to a place of repentance, as I realize that my desire to be perfect, combined with my inability to be so, fuels many (if not most) of the sin in my life. So I'm still feeling your pain and your struggle.
At the same time, a LOT is expected of us as women in this too-busy culture in which we live. And I think the enemy recognizes that and uses it to discourage us in any way He can. So I want to encourage you, my friend. It's exciting to see God working in your life. I'll be praying for you.
I wish you knew what an incredible amount of respect I have for working moms who have jobs outside the home in addition to raising a family. I feel what you are saying, every word. But you are not a failure. I struggle with the same things you do. I feel like moms who work outside the home feel it all times 10! I strongly disagree with society's perception of a super mom. According to the world, in order to be a "super mom" you have to have it all together. You have to be at the kid's functions at schools, manage a successful career, have lavish meals, immaculate home, ect ect ect. I think this view of women and our role is very skewed. There is only so much you can take on. If you could do it all, you wouldn't need Jesus to take the wheel. Trust in Him to take you on this journey. It is so much and I know you feel the weight of the world on your shoulders. Let him carry the burdens for you. Submitting doesn't make you less of a mom but more of a woman. And when you can do that you are super mom. I'm so sorry you have all this going on, know your friends love you and best of all, even if you "fail" at everything, God loves you more than you can ever imagine.
Wow, I came to comment and encourage you and I am encouraged. Thanks for posting and being honest. You preached the gospel to me, sister.
I miss home.
See, you don't realize how much you ROCK!
I see you as Paige described. Beautiful, strong, intelligent, successful, loving, confident,
.....did I say Beautiful? ;-)You're really being way too hard on yourself.
Wow. Great words from your sisters in Christ too. You can't comment like that unless you have been there.
It's just the enemy,as Laura said, clouding your view of yourself. Don't listen to the voice that tells you you cant.
As Stuart Smally put it:
"You're good enough, you're smart enough, and doggone it.....people like you!"
I don't know you very well Anne Marie, but when I see you my mind automatically thinks "Perfect and has it all together".
It's refreshing to hear people that I deam as perfect and all togther lay it all out there, and remind me that our only hope is in the Gospel. Thank you for your honesty and transparency.
I will pray for you and where GOd has you in your life right now. :)
On a totally different note ...
I just noticed your pics from fall festival. Must ask you to e-mail a couple of the ones with Bella (I didn't get to take any). And the shot of Brody and Ty -- COMICAL!
Post a Comment